Yeah, your's is a lot better than most of what I've read so far on the site.
Another thing to watch out for is describing yourself outside your limits. You don't really do this, but again I just say things in general that everyone needs to look out for.
I.E. Genin thirteen year olds who are listed as being physically average and strong in ninjutsu, yet they have chiseled six packs etc.
I.E. Characters being super timid and kind, but also being loud, prideful, etc. That just doesn't work. It's conflicting and is sorta /-_-)